Hello friends. Is anyone still out there?
I haven't wrote anything here in something like 5 and 1/2 months. And it's been ... liberating, freeing, disappointing, and overwhelming. Take your pick.
It's been wonderful to be immersed in the moments of life so deeply that I'm etching out memories for my children of a mom who was very much present. And it's been amazing not to blog just for the sake of blogging, because writing entries that have no real depth have never really interested me, even if I did find myself doing just that a time or two over the years. But at the same time, it's been hard to not have this recorded thing to capture all of the wonderful moments of life. Memories fade, and I want to remember the fine details.
It's 2013 now. A brand new year for a brand new start. And my resolution is to make an honest attempt at finding the balance in life.
I've always been one of those people who gets overwhelmed easily. I take on more than I can chew, all things that I genuinely want and desire to do and achieve, but realistically don't have the time to devote 100% of myself to (this blog being one of many prime examples). I've neglected responsibilities, friendships, tasks, and a whole plethora of other things. And knowing that I did that is a pretty sucky feeling. But knowing that I can overcome that is what this year is going to be all about.
I need to make changes. The very first of which being accepting myself for who I am, who God made me to be. Sometimes I fail at things. Sometimes I start projects and never finish them. And sometimes there are not enough hours in the day. Being a good wife and a great mom come first, everything else has to fall in line somewhere after. I'm flawed. And that's a-ok.
In late June of 2012 I made the transition to working full time. (I started working part time in July of 2011) Both of my babies are in school now, and while spending the beginning of their lives as a stay at home mother was amazing in every possible definition of the word, it's time that I contribute to my family in a different way. Even though I understand that, it's still been extremely hard. I've struggled with the new schedule of my life. In fact I'm still struggling with it. Time is not as bountiful as it once was, and now I have to fill the spare moments with things that really matter to me. Because not doing so has caused me to be bitter. And that's not something that I want to be. Not at all.
So I'm giving this space another attempt. Because I love it and I miss it. And I think that I really do need the outlet that it provides me with. But I'm going to change how I view it, because I think that's important if I want it to succeed. I'm going to refer to this as a journal rather than a blog, because that's what I need this space to be. And I'll only write when I really and truly have something to say. Because if my hearts not in it, then I'm not going to waste the time and effort here that I could be giving to something else that needs it.
I know that in the months I've been gone that the friends I've made through this space have probably all slipped through the cracks. And that's alright. I'm willing to start fresh from the ground up. But realistically, as thrilled as I am that people have found something here worth reading and coming back for, the posts have not and will not be for you. They are for me and for my children, to capture the details of moments in time worth remembering.
So if anyone still comes to this space, prepare for things to start changing visually and for words and pictures to once again tell the story of my life.